Until a few years ago my birthday was a very special day for me. Especially because I saw my life as a gift and especially especially because on this day I allowed myself everything I wanted.
I ordered a cup of hot chocolate from Starbucks, which was too expensive for me on “normal days”. I ate whatever I wanted, while on other days I was very careful to eat only as much and only that which did not lead to weight gain, but steadily towards weight loss.
I spent the day exclusively with people with whom I wanted to spend my day, while on other days I often spent hours out of supposed obligation with people who bored me, made me feel small and in various ways salted my life. In any case, the day had to be free of work, because I felt uncomfortable and unwanted at work and only did it because it “had to be”. I never dreamed that work could ever be fun.
It went on like this year in, year out. My birthday – the most special day of the whole year and one of the few special days of the year.
But one day shortly after my birthday I woke up and thought to myself: “Why don’t I do something I like doing on a normal day too? And so it began (very) slowly but surely that life no longer consisted of a special day on which I allowed myself what I wanted and 364 days of living. The tide began to turn.
A decision FOR me became many decisions FOR me and finally a life that I live for myself and consciously.
Today my birthday is no longer a special day for me, but a day like any other. This does not mean that I no longer appreciate this day and the gift of life – quite the contrary. I appreciate my existence every day. By loving what I do. By choosing a profession that fulfils me completely. By spending my time with people who make me feel love, warmth, joy and happiness. By spending my time in a way that feels good and right for me.
This is what I wanted to share with you today, on this special day of many.
Sincerely,
Marlene
