Some people find it easy to cry out for help with every little thing, others are convinced that they can and must do everything themselves, which is why everything must first collapse before help is asked for. Some would need more courage to try things themselves, others would need courage to ask others for help. In this article I will show you the reasons, signs and hints.
The sentence “I need help” comes easily to some people, others brood for days and weeks, suffer, fail countless times before they can admit to themselves that a helping hand, an open ear or advice can help them. No matter which of these two groups you belong to, neither one nor the other is good or bad. There are only advantages and disadvantages of each behaviour.
The reasons for your behaviour
Like (almost) everything in this world, your behaviour has an explanation. Regardless of whether it is difficult or easy for you to ask for help, whether you ask for help too often or too little – the way you behave has developed in your childhood.
If you are used to asking for help with everything, it is very likely that in your childhood you heard the sentences “you are still too young”, “you can’t do that”, “watch out for that…” or similar phrases again and again. In your subconscious, the belief that “I can’t do this” has manifested itself. Or you have had a parent or other caregiver whose behaviour you have observed and adopted very closely. If you have experienced how a caregiver was convinced that he or she could not do things, always asking someone for help, repeatedly saying and living out inner convictions “this is men’s work/this is women’s work”, “I can’t do this anyway”, then you copied this behaviour as a child. As scientists like Dr. Hüther, Dr. Bruce Lipton, etc. emphasize, we learn from our environment. As a child we are dependent on our environment because it is what ensures our survival.
In the opposite case it behaves the same. If you find it particularly difficult to ask for help, your childhood requests for help may have been ignored, you may have heard “don’t be a pushover”, “you have to be strong”, and you may have been shown a world view that is all about power and struggle, where only the strongest and toughest survive. Or you have experienced a reference person who always had to do everything alone (e.g. a single parent) and have accepted this experienced reality as a global reality.
And then there is the case that you have learned to try things, to be curious, you have been allowed to experiment and have experienced in your environment how research was done, how mistakes were allowed to happen, how you could rely on the community, that you are strong enough to try things and that it is not a mistake to ask others for their support.
The cause lies in the first years of your life, but you are able to act Now
Most of our behaviour is determined in the first years of life. Since then, many programmes run subconsciously and influence our behaviour and thus our everyday life. However, you do not need to see yourself as a victim of your environment and upbringing. It has made you who you are.
The rest of your life you influence.
Like everything else, it is all about consciously perceiving a behaviour and consciously changing it.
If it is about crying out for help too quickly, you can work on your self-confidence and courage. If you find it difficult to ask for help, you can work on not seeing yourself as a lone fighter, but rather to make the most of the opportunities offered by communities.
If you try to do what is possible, but you are aware that sometimes help is appropriate, that there are experts for certain things that can support you, then you know that you are on the right track and that you can support your environment with this knowledge.
Take time for awareness
Everyday life is noisy, our behaviour is largely automated. It is not a matter of course to stop and shed light on our behaviour. Why do I actually do this? Do I feel comfortable with this behaviour, or would I like to change it? Is my behaviour still up to date – does it still fit into my current life?
These are questions that bring honesty into your everyday life and room for change. You can find out why you do things the way you do them and whether it feels good for you the way it is. And if not, you can change it – alone and/or with the help of experts – so that you live your life as it feels good and right for you. Because even if you had to adapt to your environment in childhood because you were dependent on it, today as an adult you can make a conscious decision for yourself, your way of doing things and living your life.
The world is full of different ways of doing things, of living life. You can always be inspired by other systems and establish the most suitable ways for you.
Also other mothers/ other cultures/ other countries have their tricks and peculiarities and it is allowed to pick out what you like best.
